A photo posted by Regan Stelling (@reganforprez) on
OBVIOUSLY being engaged has been one of the most exciting things thats ever happened to me. But I feel like no one ever tells you about the real stuff. A few of my friends and I got engaged around the same time. We got to walk through this engagement life together, which inspired this blog post.
Since I was introduced to Pinterest in high school, I was told that your wedding is just a magical event that will be absolutely perfect. Marriage will make everything better. It will be the cherry on top of your completely average and mundane life. Relationship issues? Don't worry, they will disappear once a ring is on that finger.
Since I was introduced to Pinterest in high school, I was told that your wedding is just a magical event that will be absolutely perfect. Marriage will make everything better. It will be the cherry on top of your completely average and mundane life. Relationship issues? Don't worry, they will disappear once a ring is on that finger.
Well, I'm calling it now.
It's complete bull.
I'm 22 and I've been engaged for
almost 9 months now. My fiancé and I had this perfect life in Florida and then I got
offered an awesome job and moved to Nashville. We did long distance. It sucked.
I was trying to plan a wedding in a city where nobody knew me. My sister (who
is my MOH & BFF) lives in Alaska with her husband, and both my mom
and fiancé were in FL. I'm laughing right
now thinking about it. I was a mess. I had a friend tell me that the
wedding planning process was so easy and wasn't stressful... well there
were so many tears, I could have invested in a lifejacket. Getting engaged is
pretty much like every other adult situation in your life: no one knows what they
are doing and most people are faking that they do.
We dated for a year and few
months before he proposed. Gosh, it was the most beautiful proposal. The words
he said to me before he got down on one knee meant more to me than the actual ring. The
ring he gave me is his great grandmothers, it's so special. I am blessed ppl. BLESSED. I have
the most amazing man in my life. He makes me laugh, pushes me, makes me a WAY
better person, is easy going, intentional with how he feels, has a good taste in
music + coffee shops, takes me on the coolest adventures, is such a good friend to those around him, has awesome dance moves, loves watching food network (!!) and most importantly, he loves Jesus a
whole lot. I can be my 100% self around him. He
lets me, be me. I am so so so so in love.
Enough of the mushy stuff.
I thought it would be fun to give you 10 things people don't tell you about being engaged. People act like its full of daises and confetti. But I'm going to tell you what I have learned along the way. Maybe I'll make another one of these after I get married.
I thought it would be fun to give you 10 things people don't tell you about being engaged. People act like its full of daises and confetti. But I'm going to tell you what I have learned along the way. Maybe I'll make another one of these after I get married.
1. Your fiancé won't change. Jeffrey will still be the same guy I'm currently
dating. So if you think your significant other will change before marriage,
maybe you shouldn't get married. We push each other to be better
people. And the annoying/frustrating quirks that each other brings, we accept
it knowing it's who they are. For us, we won't be sitting around the
table talking about stocks and gluten. It will be more like "what if dogs
could talk?" or "if you could eat at one restaurant for a whole
year which would it be?" We will be the same us, and I'm excited about
that.
2. DON'T PUSH THE GUY. There was a period in my life when I would send Jeffrey
rings I liked. One day he said "hey regan, can you stop doing that?".
I was like wait what.... He wanted me to stop because it was putting unnecessary pressure
on him to fulfill a ring idea I had in my head. Little did I know he had
the most perfect, dainty ring already in his pocket. Don't pressure
your significant other into being engaged or buying a certain ring, you don't want to put a toll on your beautiful relationship. Let it unravel naturally.
3. Getting engaged won't fix things. If you truly love that person and realize that there are
some issues in the relationship (maybe financial? relational? physical?)
then you should work those knots out before tying the knot (see what I did
there?). Believe me, if you truly love someone, marriage can wait. Premarital counseling won't fix you, moving in together won't fix you,
"putting up with it" isn't healthy. If you are having a ton
of doubts, wait till you're steady and confident. Marriage is a big deal,
y'all.
4. If you thought you were on a budget, think
again. Remember when you bought stuff, like
for fun? Those days are gone. You'll start saying "oh I'll just DIY
that" or "yeah we can have a friend do that right?". This
enthusiastic phase quickly ends. I remember I told everyone I wouldn't pay
for a venue. Well... now majority of my budget is my venue. Now I'm saying
things like "are plastic plates tacky?". I'm ballin on a budget and
choosing very carefully where my money goes. But I am thankful. Honestly,
if my parents offered me a good chunk of money for my wedding- I would probably
take it, put a down payment on a house and elope.
5. Invite people who are in your life. Don't invite betty sue if you haven't talked to
her in 3 years. People will never realize how much money goes into each
person you invite until they actually have to do it themselves. If people are complaining about not
being invited to the wedding, then it's a good thing they weren't invited
in the first place. I'm almost over here like "well, which are your least
favorite cousins?".
6. The guy doesn’t help much. Thats about it. Let it go. Don't get mad at him.
He's a guy. I will ask Jeffrey his thoughts on something, and then we
move forward.
7. Let people help you. My sister rocks, my mom rocks, my bridesmaids rock, my roommates rock and I
have the most solid friends. I have friends that text me (who aren't even
bridesmaids!!!) say -"hey regan how can I help you?". My future
mother in law rocks. She always has her eyes peeled for wedding things.
Let people help make this process easier.
8. Don't let society define you. Who cares if you are 21 or 35. Ultimately you
know yourself the best. Don't let society alter your decisions. We live in
a world of judgment, don't let it get to you. Be confident in who you are
whether you've been dating for 3 months or 6 years, single, or engaged.
9. Enjoy the sweet moments. I didn't plan on having a year
long engagement. But The Lord had something better planned. 6 months ago I
had no friends in Nashville. And now I have made so many sweet friendships and I even have a friend here throwing me a bridal
shower. Kinda cool right? And my sister is throwing the sweetest bachelorette
surprise weekend right before my wedding. She won't tell me anything. What
a sweet way to celebrate right before I become a wife.
10. Being engaged is so so so sweet. We put our full trust in Jesus. The timing was
perfect for him and I. The whole process hasn't been perfect, but that's
life. Jeffrey and I have been house hunting for our first little place
together, our premarital counseling has been life giving, and we are starting
new traditions, goals, and rules. We are celebrating everyday that we get to be
husband and wife (I don't think one day goes by without one of us
saying we can't wait to get married). We get to learn more and more each
day what we like and don't like, we get to grow closer to each other
and Jesus.
All of
this engagement/wedding pressure can make you lose sight of what is truly
at the middle of it all. The most important thing, and the only thing, to
remember in all of this is that a wedding is just one day of your life.
Being married lasts a whole lot longer than that.
Enjoy the moments together.
Be present.
The Lord satisfies & He provides.
Be present.
The Lord satisfies & He provides.
xoxo
Regan
